It’s Time To Let The Mask Fall Away
Explore a journey of authenticity while navigating the pressures to maintain a mask of positivity and the barriers that creates.
One stormy afternoon, my college professor, Dr. Brenda DeVore Marshall introduced me to Quintilian and his definition of an orator – “a good man speaking well.” It was like mother nature herself struck me with a bolt of lightning from the sky.
It’s not often that a centuries-old rhetorician shakes the world view of an 18 year old, and certainly not one that was hoping for an easy three credits before completing a completely different major. I had been speaking on stage and attending networking events since I was eight, so I had the “speaking well” part down. However, those spaces never prioritized perfecting the inner work. Instead, a bunch of people in blazers stood in front of a crowd dissecting the problems of the audience in under 20-minutes. Any authenticity shared was just an avenue to get to a sale at the end.
From that moment on, I was all in and ready to learn everything I could. I spent three years discovering new world views, new ways of communicating, and new outlooks on life – all of which completely unprepared me for the professional world. It’s not that what I learned was unhelpful, but mostly in the world of luxury marketing and hospitality it’s unwanted. A smile is your greatest asset, and if you don’t want to wear one that day, putting on a mask is the easiest way to prepare for the day.
Honestly, it was easier to do than I thought. As a Gemini, we’re literally known for having many masks that fit whatever situation we find ourselves in. As I explored the world around me after graduation, I could feel myself slowly changing, another form taking hold. It wasn’t all bad. By trying on these different masks I discovered that I was gay, I loved cooking from scratch, and have a passion for movies and wine. But like in the movies The Mask or Venom, over time, I didn’t control when I had the mask on.
The first time I can remember being seen by this feeling was in the 2018 movie, Sorry to Bother You, by Boots Riley. In it, a young black man named Cassius Green discovers how to game the system of a corporation that leads him to wealth beyond his imagination. Despite the numerous red flags, the closer he gets to success, the more his corporate mask stays on. There becomes a point where the mask he wears becomes just as much of his personality as his authentic self.
The more I worked in the luxury beverage industry, the more I lost touch with the real me. I would lie to customers about going abroad because I didn’t want to seem uncultured – to give them any hint that it would take me a full month’s salary to buy a case of their favorite wine. We compared notes on various wine regions, despite me only knowing names of cities and chateaus from extensive Google searching late at night after my shift. When asked if I would be working at this tasting room for at least a few years, I’d answer, “Of course!” because it’s the best office view anyone could ask for and this winery had the best club members. I knew I had different dreams for my career, but the added sales and higher tips this answer received made balancing my multiple jobs to make ends meet easier.
When Director Boots Riley was asked on Democracy Now about how he chose the title Sorry to Bother You he said, “It’s a catchy title, because it’s one that we use, and it is something that telemarketers use all the time. However, the other side of it is, is that often when you’re telling someone something that is different from how they view things, different from how they view the world, it feels like an annoyance or a bother. And that’s where that comes from.”
The hospitality industry is filled with situations where you don’t want to be a bother. If you have to interrupt, you better be as kind and respectful as possible. Even when I got from behind the tasting bar, I felt the pressure of keeping up the smile, watching my tone, hearing out other points of views no matter their experience, and above all else being grateful to be there. I was working in wine after all, and that should be good enough for me.
Even the best bubbles have to burst, and then you end up *spoilers* a horse man wondering how you could have fallen this far. I didn’t have quite as dramatic of a discovery, but there was a distinct moment where I realized that I wasn’t being truthful to who I was or what I felt. All the context clues were there, but I wanted more than anything else to believe that I had made the right call. When the mask breaks, you are left with two choices – make a new one, or walk into the world without one.
In my unemployment era, I’ve had the chance to really consider what I wanted to do with my life. It sounds a bit dramatic, but I had never done that before. I jumped forward at every opportunity that was presented to me, excited for the challenge and the experience. For the first time, I was able to step back and ask myself what I wanted to do. So I started cooking again. I volunteered in my community. I connected with friends I hardly saw due to our conflicting schedules. I spent the afternoons with my partner and three cats. I connected with colleagues and professionals across industries on a deeper level than ever before.
I realized that I like being in the workforce, being a part of a team, marketing a product that has a killer story behind it – I just don’t want to sacrifice my authentic self to do it. After almost a decade in the professional space, Quintilian’s quote hits different for me now. To be a good person is to be authentically yourself, inside and out. It’s not enough to just externally make the world, or workplace, or even family unit a better place. You have to be willing to do that real, true work internally.
You’re not going to be everyone’s glass of wine. However, the right environment will not only be a place where you can thrive, but where those unique differences are celebrated. Leading with an authentic voice as an individual or a brand is the key.
In 2024, It’s time for all of us to leave the masks behind.
About The Writer
Stephanie Hofmann is a marketing and leadership professional based in Portland, Oregon. She writes about accessible marketing, leadership development, multi-generational collaboration, and realistic DE&I steps to take in your business. Stay up-to-date with the latest post by following along on LinkedIn or Instagram.
